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Final Year: Semester 1

As I'm typing this, the semester has yet to end, but I feel like posting (an act of procrastination from completing my final year paper (FYP)). I just want to ramble about how I'm pretty much looking forward to leave this place, but at the same time, I'm hella doubting myself at the moment; doubting my capabilities to teach the students during my practical. But hey, I think there's no turning back now. A little too late for that.

Some people are born with a nice personality, friendly and approachable vibe and a wonderful face. I, unfortunately have neither of those. I'm not even a smarty pants to make up for my ugly qualities. And again, unfortunately for me again, these criteria are important for a teacher-to-be, in my opinion. Because, a good teacher, according to what I have in mind and based on my personal schooling experience, should have a nice personality and a friendly/approachable vibe so that students will be comfortable to learn from the said teacher. As for looks, I disagree, however, there are researches that proves the students learn better when taught by good-looking teachers (you can google this up at google scholar). Lets recap; I have none of the qualities above. I felt sorry for my future students. So, Imma just apologize beforehand; sorry for having me as your teacher.

I'm constantly in fear that my students could not accept me as their teacher. Always having these hideous thoughts that I would not be able to deliver the knowledge I have to them perfectly. I don't want them to think that English language is a burden or even though, when really, it's something you can happily skate through. I want them to have fun in my class and with my lessons, but I don't think... I can fabricate my dream. In a way, I'm a bit nervous for my practical but then, my brain calms my anxiety away by saying I should fret when I cross the bridge, not now.

As for FYP, hahaha. Pray to lord and the sky that you'll have a helpful supervisor. Pray to the lord you have a supervisor that you are familiar with and pray that your supervisor is not strict. My supervisor, I believe she is nice it's just she's real busy, I think. I don't blame her though, and I'm struggling not to burden her at all with my questions. Whenever I mention to other lecturers who my supervisor is, every one will gasp and say I got a tough one. I'm worried but I just aim to do my best.

Week 14 is approaching but I'm still in the midst of collecting my data. Everybody is fretting but here I am procrastinating. I guess, I'm too chill, but then again, I'm already dead inside to get anxious. I'll have to finish it whether I like it or not.

As for now, I don't really mind or care about my CGPA anymore. I just want to graduate.

I think I've rambled enough. Until next time.

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