Hi everyone. I think it has become a routine for me to update this lousy blog once the result is out. And yes, I'm going to say the same thing that you've read every past semester. Yes, I fucked up and my stupid ass literally threw away my precious study weeks. You read me right, WEEKS.
I think it has becoming a serious issue on my side how I kept on ditching my studies every semester. It has becoming a bad habit and I don't like it. But I'm not doing it because I'm lazy, no. It's because I simply can't. I'm all over the place since my second year. I don't know what happen back then or what changed me but I'm still stuck in this agonizing phase where I'm simply unable to enjoy life.
I lost joy in socializing. My confidence is never there during presentation. I'm bothered by intrusive thoughts and my past mistakes that keep on trying to make me remember dumb things I did in the past. It's really messing up my life. There's never a day where the unwanted past memories stop bubbling into my train of thoughts. It's so frequent that it's jeopardizing my life. That's what I'm going through at the moment and I just thought I should let you know why I'm in such condition.
So in class, I barely focused. I took no notes the whole past semester which were obviously not good. It clearly showed that I was not paying attention at all when I supposedly should. But I learnt something important this year. Third year, is definitely a crucial year for everyone. What I say next might sound mean, but it's the reality that I went through. Third year is where your classmates (to whom you never talked to or close with) suddenly tried to get into your group. Listen to me, go out of your way to stick to your previous group; the one you are already comfortable with because those classmates are trying to be a cocktail rider, trying to have an easy access to good grades without working hard. They earn a better grade working with you but they might jeopardize your own grade. Please keep that in mind. If you're this type of people, please, stop dragging people down with you, instead, pull yourself together and get on your feet by yourself!
I had an extremely hard time last semester because I was suddenly pulled away from my usual group. My cliques are hardworking people. It's easy to communicate and discuss with them because each of them participated in group work, aimed for the best and had each other's back. Having only worked with amazing people before, I was suddenly forced to work with a different group whose pace I can never get used to. So please, please, never break for your clique.
Group work was the highlight for last semester. You have to write an essay, analyze the essay, make questions from the essay based on bloom taxonomy, barret taxonomy and also the four reading strategies. You have to create a lesson plan, have your lesson plan evaluated by teachers, your lecturer and your peers. You have to get involved with inclusive communities, able to create awareness activities and also do maths. Hahaha. Funny, but true.
Alhamdulillah, somehow, I still managed to land myself in the Dean list again despite my troubles. I'm all over the place and I'm definitely not myself. As usual, I'm amazed with how I still managed to get such result. My cliques know how messed up I was and still am right now. How I slept the night before exam with no remorse. I'm not joking, I never was. I'm just so terrible to the point that I feel guilty when I get a good result, knowing how I let myself drown in the sea of insanity. I'm not bragging, no. I'm not saying you don't need to study to get a good result. You definitely need to, definitely need to give your all. Please don't be like me, never be like me.
I've lost the joy of life. The little things that make you happy, I cannot feel it anymore. Socializing, competing with your friends on who gets the highest gpa, getting dean list, awarded with a special award from your faculty; the emotions I should've felt, I couldn't feel it. It's no longer there. I don't know what happen, but I just couldn't feel it and it bugs me, it really does.
To those who wishes to know, my GPA this semester is 3.8*
I don't know how I earn this, but God, I'm thankful with what you've given me. Thank you.
Please study hard. Don't be like me. I'm not a good example.
I'm trying to be better. I've talked to my dad (his profession has something to do with this trouble I'm facing) and we're working on it. We had a long talk. He's worried and I'm worried too. So please, NEVER be like me, please.
I think it has becoming a serious issue on my side how I kept on ditching my studies every semester. It has becoming a bad habit and I don't like it. But I'm not doing it because I'm lazy, no. It's because I simply can't. I'm all over the place since my second year. I don't know what happen back then or what changed me but I'm still stuck in this agonizing phase where I'm simply unable to enjoy life.
I lost joy in socializing. My confidence is never there during presentation. I'm bothered by intrusive thoughts and my past mistakes that keep on trying to make me remember dumb things I did in the past. It's really messing up my life. There's never a day where the unwanted past memories stop bubbling into my train of thoughts. It's so frequent that it's jeopardizing my life. That's what I'm going through at the moment and I just thought I should let you know why I'm in such condition.
So in class, I barely focused. I took no notes the whole past semester which were obviously not good. It clearly showed that I was not paying attention at all when I supposedly should. But I learnt something important this year. Third year, is definitely a crucial year for everyone. What I say next might sound mean, but it's the reality that I went through. Third year is where your classmates (to whom you never talked to or close with) suddenly tried to get into your group. Listen to me, go out of your way to stick to your previous group; the one you are already comfortable with because those classmates are trying to be a cocktail rider, trying to have an easy access to good grades without working hard. They earn a better grade working with you but they might jeopardize your own grade. Please keep that in mind. If you're this type of people, please, stop dragging people down with you, instead, pull yourself together and get on your feet by yourself!
I had an extremely hard time last semester because I was suddenly pulled away from my usual group. My cliques are hardworking people. It's easy to communicate and discuss with them because each of them participated in group work, aimed for the best and had each other's back. Having only worked with amazing people before, I was suddenly forced to work with a different group whose pace I can never get used to. So please, please, never break for your clique.
Group work was the highlight for last semester. You have to write an essay, analyze the essay, make questions from the essay based on bloom taxonomy, barret taxonomy and also the four reading strategies. You have to create a lesson plan, have your lesson plan evaluated by teachers, your lecturer and your peers. You have to get involved with inclusive communities, able to create awareness activities and also do maths. Hahaha. Funny, but true.
Alhamdulillah, somehow, I still managed to land myself in the Dean list again despite my troubles. I'm all over the place and I'm definitely not myself. As usual, I'm amazed with how I still managed to get such result. My cliques know how messed up I was and still am right now. How I slept the night before exam with no remorse. I'm not joking, I never was. I'm just so terrible to the point that I feel guilty when I get a good result, knowing how I let myself drown in the sea of insanity. I'm not bragging, no. I'm not saying you don't need to study to get a good result. You definitely need to, definitely need to give your all. Please don't be like me, never be like me.
I've lost the joy of life. The little things that make you happy, I cannot feel it anymore. Socializing, competing with your friends on who gets the highest gpa, getting dean list, awarded with a special award from your faculty; the emotions I should've felt, I couldn't feel it. It's no longer there. I don't know what happen, but I just couldn't feel it and it bugs me, it really does.
To those who wishes to know, my GPA this semester is 3.8*
I don't know how I earn this, but God, I'm thankful with what you've given me. Thank you.
Please study hard. Don't be like me. I'm not a good example.
I'm trying to be better. I've talked to my dad (his profession has something to do with this trouble I'm facing) and we're working on it. We had a long talk. He's worried and I'm worried too. So please, NEVER be like me, please.
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